have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
