yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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