How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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