I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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