but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
