worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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