shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
