im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
