That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
