Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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