I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
