Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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