Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
