i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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