areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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