Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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