I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
