So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
