I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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