He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
