nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
