I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
