Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
