The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
