Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
