i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize