Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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