When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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