I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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