If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
