my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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