I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
