I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
