he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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