Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
