When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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