Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
