I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
