this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
