i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
