He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
