I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
