I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize