i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
