can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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