so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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