Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The adults are the big ones right?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
