New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
