I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
