Who did Billy Mays play for?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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