Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
