A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
