Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
