you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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