bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
