I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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