Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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