I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
