I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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