It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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