Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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