new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This toilet bowl is my home.
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