i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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