I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
