Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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