I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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