I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
