think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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