I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
