I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
