just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
