when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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