I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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