you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
